Why connecting with others affects our health

What is social connection all about?

The past 2 years have thrown up all kinds of challenges and stresses, as we navigate a world that is often new and constantly changing.

One of the biggest challenges covid has brought is our ability to stay connected with friends and family. Border closures and lockdowns mean many of us have had to deal with extended separations from loved ones. So it's brought the topic of social connection into the spotlight - and with good reason.

Social connection is a part of health we often take for granted, yet its one of THE strongest predictors of health and longevity. Being socially connected increases our chance of longevity (living a long healthy life) by up to 50% in some studies!! We are literally hardwired to be social creatures - the gene for kindness is one of the oldest genes in our DNA ❤

Being connected to others makes us more emotionally resilient (able to cope with stress and challenges), improves our physical health and is estimated to reduce our risk of early death by up to 50%. Research shows it may be even more important in staying healthy than exercise, diet and not smoking! 

Social connection is the idea of having a life where other people play a vital part - for emotional, physical, and practical support.

It is made up of 3 elements:

  • Socialising (spending time with others) 

  • Social support (having others we can rely on to help us) 

  • Sense of belonging ( feeling included and valued, and part of a community) 

How social connection affects our health

Loneliness has a HUGE impact on our physical and mental health.

Research on this consistently shows that people who are chronically lonely, have a higher risk of early death, high blood pressure, insomnia, heart attacks and strokes, dementia and poor mental health. And in contrast, having strong social connections reduces inflammation, improves immunity, switches on 'anti-ageing' genes, lowers blood pressure, and even protects our brains from memory loss and dementia!

One famous study from Harvard University followed a group of men over 75 years, and looked at how different lifestyle factors affected their longterm health, life expectancy, quality of life, and risk of early death. It found that THE single most important predictor of health was having strong social connections - ie this effect was more powerful than any other lifestyle factors they looked at.

Social connection and our hormones

So how exactly does social connection have such a dramatic effect on our health? Connecting with others has a measurable impact on our well-being. This is mostly because it protects us from the negative physical effects of stress - raised cortisol, reduced immunity, raised blood pressure, blood sugar and inflammation - via its effect on our nervous system.

When we connect with others in a positive way, this activates our parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system, counteracting the fight or flight (sympathetic) response we tend to have to stress. Even short positive interactions can reduce our blood pressure and heart rate, and increase our energy, happiness levels, and feeling of well-being!

Think of how wonderful it feels after having a great conversation and catch-up with a close friend, or after having hugs with your children - it really does make a difference ❤

Being kind and connecting with others also releases several beneficial hormones from our brain:

  • Oxytocin (aka the love hormone, this protects our heart, helps reduce blood pressure, and improves our self esteem and feelings of optimism) 

  • Serotonin (aka the happy hormone, this speeds healing from injuries, and makes us feel calmer and happier - its what most anti-depressant medications target) 

  • Endorphins (aka the feel good hormone, this reduces pain levels, improves our energy and physical strength, and makes us feel positive and energised, it’s what causes the ‘runners high’) 

Social connections help us cope better with stress

When we are connected with others we are also far more likely to look after ourselves when stressed - such as eating well, exercising, prioritising sleep, and avoid harmful substances. We also stay more focused and are less likely to give up. In contrast when we are socially isolated, we often tend to turn to more negative coping strategies - comfort eating, not exercising, getting into poor sleep habits, and using alcohol/nicotine/prescription drugs/other substances to cope.

Social isolation is known to be one of THE biggest risk factors for drug and alcohol abuse - there were a series of experiments in the 1970’s called the rat park experiments that demonstrated this (and similar affects have been shown in humans)

In this experiment, rats were placed in isolation, and given the option of two water bottles to drink from - one filled with water, the other laced with morphine. Rats who were isolated would tend to choose the morphine laced bottle, and often overdose and die

Yet when rats were given exactly the same access to these bottles, but were in an environment with other rats where they could interact - they chose the plain water! Even if they drank from the cocaine laced bottle, they never overdosed or did it obsessively

What makes social connections positive

One of the most important parts of social connection is not necessarily how many friends we have - it's how close we feel to them, and can rely on them. For some people this may just be a few close friends, for others this may be many.

The quality of our connections is vital - if we have a lot of friends but don’t feel supported by them or positive about our friendships, they actually do very little to protect our health. Ie its our subjective impression of connections that matter more than the numbers.

If friendships are also ‘negative’ ie one sided, or consistently make you feel drained, misunderstood, or down, then these aren’t actually good for us. Who we choose to surround ourselves has a massive impact on our physical and mental well-being.

And in contrast we may only have one or two close friends, but if we trust them, and our interactions with them are positive, this has as much effect on our health as having lots of good friends. Perception and the quality of our interactions with our friends and colleagues is absolutely key.

How to improve social connections and community

If you are feeling lonely, or want to improve your social connections, then try these tips:

  • make a conscious effort to be positive when around others. this doesn’t mean you have to ‘pretend’ or cover up feelings, but be aware of the overall tone of your interactions. we have so much ability to control this - more so than we realise!

  • make time with loved ones a priority, and try new things together. life is busy, but making time to build connections, is one of the most worthwhile investments you can make

  • be interested in other people's lives, and be supportive and trustworthy. think of what kind of friend you would like to have, and try be that friend to others

  • put digital devices away, and focus on connecting and being truly present when you are with others. screens can be incredibly disruptive, as they distract us and stop us from being genuinely engaged and focused on the people in front of us. turning off notifications and internet while you are with others is also a great tip - especially when you are spending time with children - they rely on social connections even more than adults!

  • reach out to people you haven't seen in awhile and try rekindle old meaningful friendships - they may be just as lonely as you, and someone has to take the first step 😉

  • volunteer to help with community organisations - volunteering has an incredibly powerful protective on our health, more so the older we get

  • find supportive online communities (but make sure these do not take over from ‘real life’ interactions)

  • join new groups with a common interest, or try new activities you might enjoy

  • dog walking (offer to walk other peoples if you don’t have a dog) is a great way to meet people, as it creates a common bond to talk to strangers and connect

  • help organise, or attend community events

  • set yourself a challenge to perform a random act of kindness each day, or strike up conversation with people you come in contact with in public. kindness is highly contagious - for each person we are kind to, its estimated they will be kind to 4-5 others! kindness has a ripple effect, and can reach many people through simple ways.

And if one thing doesn't work, try another - there's absolutely nothing to lose! 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog post, please checkout our Reboot your health course. We cover social connection in detail, along with everything else you need to know to live a happier healthier life ❤

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in 21 regions, 1990–2010: a systematic analysis for the Global Burden of Disease Study 2010. 

Lancet 380 (9859), 2224–2260.

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